So one day I was petitioning at the marina, I was trying to get the guys at the shipyard to donate a yacht to charity, most people would ask for money, but not me, I think money is too main stream. So instead, I spend my time asking rich people for yachts, despite the fact that they have little to no practical use for cancer patients. Anyways, I finally got enough signatures to get one rich guy, Joe Flabot (or J-flab for short), to donate his Dubstep party yacht. He even offered to take us and the kids from the university hospital out to go whale watching, he said that he had a secret way to attract whales to the boat. It was a dope remix of Skrillex’s popular Dubstep song Equinox. Once we got out to sea, J-flab started up the track, and all of the sudden there were Blue Whales leaping out of the water screaming “YOLO” I had no idea what this pointless expression of a useless fact had to do with having a good time, let alone being a whale. J-flab seemed to be the expert on these matters, but he was too busy with his music to answer my questions. It didn’t really matter though, the kids were having fun. I was enjoying myself as well; the whales were now standing vertically on top of the water and doing the Bernie. It was hella-cool until, suddenly, one of the whales got overzealous, and ate, the entire boat. It was like that one story in the bible, except, as far as could tell; we weren’t on a quest given to us by god. We were just… in a whale. This whale somehow managed to eat an entire train as well. The conductor of the train was still alive in there; he is played by Morgan Freeman. Anyways, we were in a pickle, well technically, we were in a yacht, and that yacht was in a whale. But I’m sure they both smell equally terrible… Anyways, we spent the first few hours wondering why there was any light in the whale’s stomach, and why there was a flat surface on which me were able to walk. Also the complete absence of water in this aquatic mammal’s digestive system seemed rather unusual to us. After spending a decent amount of time pondering how illogical everything in this whale was, we decided to begin our escape efforts; first, we tried the Nemo tactic, which involved asking the whale, in what we believed to be its native tongue, to release us from its custody. This was a futile effort, because none of us knew how to speak Swedish. Our second terrible idea was to summon an Aeon. But since none of us came from the imaginary universe of Final Fantasy, none of us knew how to summon Aeons.
After much deliberation, and some name-calling, we all decided to create some whale-step. This involves using supersonic frequencies to mimic and otherwise reproduce the voice of the whale in a dubstep song. This was our best idea, as it almost made some type of sense, and it was fun because Morgan Freeman actually turned out to be an awesome DJ. After we had successfully produced the whale-step song, we cranked up the bass and blasted it full volume. The whale exploded. Approximately five minutes later, we found our yacht under attack by the cast of the hit TV show Whale Wars. And five minutes after that, we found ourselves in the custody of the U.S coastguard, facing charges of Whale-poaching and disturbing the peace. Morgan Freeman bailed us all out of jail though, and we continued our lives happily. After realizing what amazing potential he had, Morgan Freeman became a famous Whale-Step artist, and is known by whales all over the world as the greatest man alive. J-flab continued to be a cool rich guy and was still charitable with his yachts. As for me, well let’s just say that my life is a perpetual joke without a punch line.